The Spread

I wake up from these thick dreams having to piss like mad. These fucks are here banging away at brick and mortar again! Stupid fucks, they know not of drywall. To fix the pipes they must work for hour after hour removing endless layers of brick and other garbage. All this amounts to one fact. I cannot take a shit. I cannot piss. I have to piss like a wild ape. I am going to piss on these Taiwanese mothers! They speak it with such pride, but it is just another mutt. Sometimes I hear the Japanese and I am both bitter and sad. Take your pride and put it in your ass, especially you ignorant little dumb fuck kids. I just want to take a poop for fucks sake. A shower would be nice too. I am feeling oily. My shit is solid, I can already tell, but it is just a dream at this moment. I will flee to the Mr. Brown and test my luck there!

I am at Mr. Brown coffee, “a taste to remember,” and I will soon know if it is a shit to remember as well. I will take to the innards of this place, where the pipes run thick and dip, and I will squat out a nice shit into the sleek porcelain. I will look at the shit, and I will know that all is well. In Taiwan, shits are not obstructed by toilet paper. This allows for viewing of shit and wipe otherwise impossible. I have come to judge my shits by their remains on the paper, rather than looking at the log or distribution itself. It is like a man who moves to India and learns to eat with his fingers. They grown mouths of their own, they taste the food before it goes into the big mouth. I have learned to judge my shits, and my overall state of anal health, based on the spread.