The Purest Shit

My wife is blown up like a balloon. A small girl rests inside her. This girl is our daughter. I have read that the first shits my daughter will take are not shits at all. Instead of the philosopher's substance, a black, tarry excreta will be coming out of her ass for the first couple days. This sort of shit has been given a name, meconium. This name is derived from the Greek mekonion, meaning opium-like. Aristotle believed that meconium induces sleep in the fetus. The philosopher king realized that feces is the root of all natural phenomenon. In sleep, the neonate is in union. This union is only manifest through the presence of meconium, the purest concentration of shit that man has observed. Sure, meconium may be described away as a collection of intestinal epithelial cells, lanugo, mucus, amniotic fluid, bile and water, but the question begging to be answered about the substance is somewhat rhetorical in nature; what is inside the anus when man is closest to god? The answer, meconium.

I will study this substance. It is supposedly odorless, but this I seriously doubt. The purest of shit. The eponymous shit. The alpha and omega of shits. Perhaps the odor of our shits is synonymous with the decay of our connection to the almighty. Actually, it seems quite natural that this original shit has no odor. Odor belongs to the physical realm. It's shape is also amorphous, suggesting that even gravity, the equalizer of all things, holds no power over the meconium. Our adult shits are well formed heavenly objects, often solid and bound by the rules of symmetry. Meconium is a galaxy, a chaotic and perfect collection of singularities. I wish to capture this meconium, to relish its purity. Perhaps my daughter will allow for such a study. I must respect her wishes, though. The meconium is a part of her, and I will not force her to part with it. She must make this decision of her own reckoning. With a tear in my eye, I will congratulate her on this first step. The decision to pass such a pure substance is in direct violation of our eternal nature. To walk into this ephemeral world takes courage. The deposit of this black shit, then, is no more than a rebellious act against god, against our perfection, and against eternity. It may be the first and greatest statement that a human ever makes.